Our Highest Calling

There are days where I want to call in sick. I want to clock out early and relax with a glass of wine and watch something that isn't animated. Some days I just don't want to do it. The tantrums, the questions, the power struggles. They're exhausting. 

How many days does God think "I wish she would stop doing that". As humans we are Gods most frustrating creation. But we are also his most precious. So precious he sent his only son to break us from the bondage of sin. 

 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him."

John 3:16-17

So are there days I want to give up and call it quits? Absolutely. Would I ever? Not for all the gold or silver. Being a mom is what I think to be the highest honor this side of heaven. It is God saying here is my child, I'm trusting you to raise them and lead them to me. Y'all that's a lot to take in. But want to know a secret. We aren't doing it alone. Even if it feels like it at times. I'm a single mom. Trust me when I say some days I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. But our father is right there. To give us strength when our earthly minds and bodies cannot take anymore. He's there to give us wisdom when we are lost for answers. He is our biggest supporter. 

For all the hard moments and days there are even more sweet and precious ones. Tonight Lindsey have me a huge hug and said mommy you're my best friend. For me it doesn't get much better. When I feel like I'm failing in the parent department I watch her as she bows her head and folds her hands to pray. She doesn't fully understand the action of praying but I know she will.

Parenting is hard. But it is the most rewarding job I have ever held. To me it is more than a job. I was created to be her mommy. Right now that is my most important role. I know one day my lap will be empty for she will no longer want to sit in it. I'll have a whole new set of power struggles and bad days. For now I need to remember that this moment, this day is a gift. And treat it as such. Everyday I get to teach her, correct her, love her is a gift. 

I could never thank God enough for trusting me to raise His precious daughter. 

Happy Mothers Day 2014!

This was our first Mothers Day in NC. Another first celebration in this state we now call home :) My parents are in Iowa with Richards mom so sadly i did not spend the day with her. However, I am so thankful they could be with his mom right now. She's very sick and its important he has as much time with her as possible. 

Y'all Im not going to lie. Being a mom is hard. Whats even harder? Being a single mom. But I would not change my life or any part of it! I love my baby girl with every ounce I have in me. Im so thankful the Lord chose me to be her mama. She challenges me, teaches me, and loves me unconditionally. There is not a job in the world that pays more than those things. 

We celebrated last weekend with brunch while my parents were still here. They got me an adorable card from Loo and drew her hand inside. I literally teared up. They also gave her some money to give to me and she came in saying "mommy paint a nails." Her little vocab is so cute right now.

 

This Sunday was pretty low key. We spent the morning at church. Then we came home and I made a delicious brunch full of potatoes, danishes, and little egg muffins full of a chorizo and ground turkey mix (to keep it light), some spinach and green chiles. I was very happy to cook rather than going out. It would've been like a mad house and since I just finished a cleanse (more not that later) I wanted to be abel to watch what I ate better. 

The rest of the day was very relaxing. Lindsey laid down for a nap and this mama did too. Then we played for a while and talked with Grammy and Pappy. Her saying Happy Mothers Day is too stinkin cute! That evening we went and had froyo at TCBY. Holy yum! They were giving free yogurt to moms and had SO many healthy and unhealthy ;) options. 

After yogurt we came home and played outside until it was time to start winding down for bed. Me and loo read a new book and snuggled until she was a sleep. I couldn't think of a better way to spend mothers day.

I had a very relaxing day and it was really nice to just enjoy being who God has called me to be. I never thought I would be a mom this young in life but I am SO glad God had different plans for me. My baby has changed my life in ways I would have never dreamed. During the difficult days thats what I need to remember. God chose me to do this. He trusted me to raise his little girl and bring her to Him. Its a big job but with Him by my side, I know it will work out to His glory. Everything always does :) 

I hope everyone had a very blessed Mothers day 

xoxo

Happy Easter 2014

This easter season has been one for the memory books. We had an amazing time celebrating the resurrection of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. North Carolina has proved to be making wonderful memories for our family! There were many firsts for my little one this year from her first egg hunt, to her first time dying eggs. It has been an amazing time of year.

She hated her hands getting dirty :)

Showing impressive motor skills with the little spoon

Easter baskets from great-grandma, grammy & pappy, and mommy

Egg hunt at church

I loved her dress this year. Im trying to think of any other day she can wear it!

My heart and soul

The REAL reason we celebrate this glorious holiday. He is risen indeed! How amazing is it to know that our God conquered death and the devil. He sacrificed his only Son that we may no longer be enslaved by our own sin and selfishness. By His wounds we are healed and can now spend eternity with Him. Amazing grace <3

The Enemy Will Not Win

This past week has been such a roller coaster. Lindsey had the flu, spring break was over and that meant a pile of homework and I was preparing to give my testimony at Celebrate Recovery. I was so stressed out and exhausted. My step dad made an interesting observation of how it wasn't a coincidence all that was happening at the same time. The devil was at work. He wanted to distract me from my testimony and delivering it at church. He wanted to exhaust me and detour me from praising God in my words. 

However, the enemy did not win. 

On Thursday I got up on stage and spoke for almost 20 minutes about my past, present, future and how they are all to the glory of God. I have wrote about my difficult relationship with Lindsey's dad and touched on that during my talk but I also let the people there into a part of my past that I hid so deeply my family didn't even know about until a few weeks ago. Im not completely ready to go into detail here with that information but I know it touched many people in that audience. 

My mom told me that as I spoke the words blanketed the crowd. There were tears, laughs, and many amens. I think the best compliment I received that night was that you could see Christ through me. I can't even explain how my heart felt after hearing that. God has done so much in my life that if I can offer a glimpse of His grace, I consider my life well lived.

 Many amazing moments came out of that night. A girl came up to me after I spoke and she told me earlier that day she had decided she didn't want to go to heaven and even questioned her faith in Christ because of what happened to her when she was younger. I spoke with her for a while and prayed with her, lifting her up to the one who heals all hurt. Later that evening she came up to me and told me that because of my testimony and our talk she was reconsidering her recent feelings of heaven and her faith in Christ. 

God is so amazing. 

I remember praying for days leading up to the talk that if I could touch one person, and if one person's faith in Christ was strengthened because of my testimony I would be happy. I prayed that my words would be God's words and that it would only bring Him glory. Not me. I do not deserve any of it. I may have gotten up on that stage but it was God who gave me the words. God who gave me the strength. It was Him who brought me through those storms. He has done so many amazing things in my life and I know this is only the beginning. 

The director of Solus Christus, a christian center for woman, wants me to come out to their center and talk to the girls there. I told her I would be beyond happy to do that. My life has not been easy but God's grace and strength has brought me through every storm and to be able to share that with others would be my dream. For now Ill keep praying. God has big things in store for me.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8: 28 ESV

Heavenly Father I ask you to guide me to bring you glory in any way you will. Take my story and make it all to praise you. You are the author and perfecter of our faith. I praise you for all you have done in my life and all you will do. 

I ask this all in your sons name,

Amen

Unspeakable Joy

This past Saturday i attended a conference held at my church. It was organized by Encouragement Cafe and JOY Fm. This is the second year Unspeakable Joy has been held at my church and I am so glad I was able to attend this year. It truly was refreshment for my thirsty soul. There were women speakers and Sisters performed. I had never heard of them but oh man those girls have some serious talent! 

The verse for this year was "Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy"

1 Peter 1:8

There were a few key points that really spoke to me during the conference and I would like to share them:

Carol Davis spoke on how often we trade God's promises for a plastic substitute. I do not know about you but this was like a smack in my face. I have really been focusing and praying to keep hold to God's word and not compromise any of his promises for me. 

She also pointed out that following God is harder and can be more confusing than if we were to just do it ourselves. Let me tell you from first hand experience: doing it on your own may seem easier and make more sense but its not worth it! God has a better plan for your life than we could EVER imagine. This is one truth I cling to with all my heart. I know following God is not always an easy or understandable task but Christ says "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:29-30

Carol also touched on how easy it is for us to hold onto the things we are not proud of. She asked the question, Why do we remember what God has already forgotten? Isn't that such a profound question? So many of us think God could never use us or love us because of what we did in our past. However, God sent his only Son to die on the cross for those mistakes in the past so our slates would be washed clean!! That gives me so much comfort y'all because my closet has some serious skeletons. But if i were to focus on them instead of lifting them up to the father I would harbor serious guilt and feelings of being ashamed. Not how I want to live and how great is it we don't have to! "Do not remember the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways according to your love remember me, for you, Lord, are good." Psalm 25:7

Our name snow redeemed through Christ our Savior. That fact alone makes me want to shout from the rooftop the amazing grace of our God. Its our job to reach out to others and share that amazing grace.  

Nia Davenport spoke of giving our tithes to Christ and her words sat so heavy on my heart. It has always been so hard for me to give to the church or those in need. At least monetarily. I will volunteer  in a second or give someone a hand but give my hard earned money away? No thank you! Nia really opened my eyes to how obeying God in our finances pleases Him and he always rewards those who are faithful to Him.  She broke it down into 3 steps:

1. Knowing God- having intimate knowledge of just who He is 

-He is good Psalm 34

-He is love 1 John 4

-He is generous Psalm 145

2. Obeying God- willing to follow His directions

- Giving our first portion to Him consistently Malachi 3:10

3. Trusting God- we need to release our protective grip on money, for he always provides

 -Giving generously Luke 6:28

The last few things I took from this seminar was how we are a new creation in Christ. Without Jesus there are just bandaids to cover our wounds, but we need heart surgery. He takes what is old and uses them for His purpose in a new way. We are called to bring what God has given to us. I have really been praying about this last point. Ive been struggling to find what God has called me to do to serve Him. My heart yearns to serve Him Im just not sure where he wants me yet. I know I must be patient,  He will call on me when He knows its right. 

It was an awesome, Christ-filled weekend. I am so thankful I was able to spend it with God loving women just loving God all day long! 

Little Loo turns 2!!

I cannot believe that 2 years ago my little girl was born. She really has been my saving grace. I love watching her grow and learn and this past year has been so entertaining. It has also been very challenging. She is growing into a little person rather than a baby. I know how to parent a baby but a toddler? I feel lost almost everyday. Luckily she is a giver of grace unconditionally. For her birthday we went to the children's museum and had a blast! We decided not to have a party since we don't really know many people yet. Lindsey had so much fun! We ended the day at church and opening presents with her Grandma and aunt from Ohio. And who could forget cake?

I cannot believe I have been so blessed with an amazing baby girl. The past two years have made me a better person. The love you have given me has changed my life. I am so amazed by how much you grow daily. Happy birthday little loo. Mommy loves you very much <3

Can we just take a minute and chat?

Is it really already the middle of February? Is my baby girl really going to be two next week?? 2014 please slow down just for a second. This mama needs a chance to catch her breath.

Some big things going on in my life recently! I was offered admission into the Honors College at UNCG! This is huge. I got an email saying they were taking applications but I just brushed it off. I figured there was no way I would ever get accepted so why bother trying. Then a day later in the mail I received this letter:

I did not even apply they just offered me admission. Holy amazing. Thank you sweet Jesus for always keeping me motivated and giving me strength. It’s only through you I have achieved all that I have.

Another big thing in my life: I am giving up my diet coke addiction COLD TURKEY. I have been getting constant headaches for the longest time. I thought it was just part of having a toddler. However, recently I have been really paying attention to the additives and GMO’s I’ve been consuming and it seems aspartame is the culprit of my headaches. I narrowed it down to that after I cut out diet coke and then had a crystal light packet in my water. Instant headache. I googled the ingredients in Crystal light and wouldn’t ya know aspartame is on there. No more diet anything for this girl. I’ve been replacing it with this amazing green and white mint tea from Trader Joes. I drink copious amount of water through the day and like to have something else with my meals. Breakfast I have coffee and lunch and dinner I would have a diet coke. Not anymore and I feel a lot better.

Can we talk about how much my girl loves The Wizard of Oz? She has become literally obsessed. She asks for “witch” constantly. Hopefully she doesn’t do it outside the house because sometimes witch sounds like, well that other word that rhymes.

Girlfriend has some awesome headphones

 But anyway, she will sit so insanely still the whole time. She has even started singing along which just makes my heart of stone melt like ice cream on a hot summer day. She has so much personality wrapped up in such a little girl. I love it! She also only has 2 teeth left to break through! The top molars are giving her real issues though. Terrible sleeping patterns, hit or miss with eating, and only sleeps well when snuggled up next to mommy.

She is also quite the bed hog :)

 I don’t mind the snuggles. I know one day they wont be here. I just wish she wasn’t in pain. I can tell when they are really bothering her because she just is so out of whack. She went like two straight weeks without a nap. I thought we both were going to jump out the windows with frustration. She’s back to napping thank goodness!

My church has started a 40 Day Devotion called “God’s Story, My Story.” 

Its great so far. I love growing closer to God especially as a congregation. The church actually wrote the devotion. It focuses on how God uses our story for His glory. Regardless of your past, God can use everything to his glory. The stories in her are of amazing transformation and God working in people's lives.  Once a week we meet with our small groups for deeper devotion. Going with that I have decided to cut out pretty much all processed foods. I want to focus more on my relationship with Christ and getting on a deeper level with Him. I have been reading Made to Crave by Lysa Turkurst and it is really changing the way I am relating food to my relationship with Christ. I plan on doing a full review once I’m done. The main point is that yes God made us to crave so that we would always want more of Him. However, the devil uses the craving to push us further from him and towards unhealthy food, sexual immorality, gambling, drugs etc. Its really opened my eyes to how much the devil really prowls waiting to jump on God’s children. Lots of prayer. Lots of prayer. Lots of prayer!!!

Well with all the snow coming our way it is time to bunker down for the snowpocalypse. 

Stay warm my friends

xoxo

The Truth

I have been wondering why it has been so hard for me to blog lately. Well actually all of 2013 I really struggled with sitting down and doing it. Yes I was busy but I know I had time. There had to be more to it. The other day as I was compiling my Christmas post it dawned on me. I hesitate to blog because I assume my life is inadequate for people to want to see.

I dont have a fancy camera.

I live with my parents and am raising my daughter on my own.

I am still waiting on the happily ever after.

I dont have the faith maturity to give sound advice.

I am still working to earn my degree after being in college since I was 17. Im 23 now.

I am not as creative as other people are.

I dont cook nearly as often as I used to.

My writing is not as eloquent or witty as other blogs I read.

This list could go on and on. I have been so caught up in what I don't have that I have forgotten what I do have. I found it hard to blog because I was constantly comparing myself to other bloggers who seemed to have more in life. I always ended up wanting more in my own life. Yet while I was editing my Christmas post I felt a huge sense of gratitude and gratefulness that my heart has been lacking. 2013 was a really hard year emotionally for me. My life was not in the place I wanted it to be or thought it should have been. I faced many hard days and struggled with my spiritual thirst. All of those material things I listed do not define me as a person. The only thing that can keep my content is my spiritual faith and relationship with God.

My pastor did a sermon a few months ago on spiritual thirst. The story of the samaritan woman in John 4 is one I can identify with. The woman has been fulfilling her needs with husbands to define and quench her spiritual thirst. Jesus tells the woman "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life" John 4:13-14. After speaking more with Jesus, John writes that the Samaritan woman left her water jug to tell the people in the town of her encounter with the Christ (John 4:28). To me, her leaving the jug symbolized her leaving all of her shame and guilt from the past with it.

There have been times I have tried to quench my thirst with earthly things. However, when they are gone I am thirsty yet again. It isnt until I ask for God to fill me with his spirit, does my soul feel full. It is a daily process of spending time with God and in his presence that I feel close to him and my need for fulfillment by the earths standards is diminished.

So no I do not have all those things I listed above. But I have much more in my heart of hearts. What I have cannot be measured by others or society's measure of wealth. I have a relationship with my Lord and Savior and that to me is so much more. I now look at my life with an extreme amount of blessing and gratitude. The Lord has blessed me with far more than I deserve and I thank him everyday for that. I think it will be easier for me to be more honest and open with my life on here now that I am aware of my problem. I look back at my posts in 2012 and a lot of them were forced by someone who was trying to portray her life as happily ever after. It couldn't have been further from the truth. So now that is my sob story. But its the truth and what is life is you don't tell the truth?

Happy 2014!

Well today is the first official day of the New Year! Its so exciting to have a blank year ahead of me full of possibility. Instead of making any "resolutions" I wanted to make some goals for myself. Resolutions hold so much pressure and I find I break them easily. However, goals for me are more attainable and I can achieve them without the added stress. Heres my list of things I hope to accomplish in the coming year:

1. Become active in the church.

2. Have more playdates.

3. Make some friends!

4. Try my hardest in school.

5. Make it a point to eat cleaner and watch the additives in my food.

6. Exercise at least 3 times a week. 

7. More intentional play time with little Loo.

8. Consistent grace-based discipline.

9. Try something new!

10. Deepen my relationship with Christ.

11. Experiment more with my cooking and trying new recipes.

12. Live out what I learn in the bible.

13. Take chances and seize new opportunities. 

14. Be more consistent with my blogging.

Ironically my list holds 14 goals for 2014. I like when things work out like that. Im very excited to see what this year holds for me and my baby. 2013 was a hard year for me. There were al lot of changes and a lot of challenges. However, I know that God has led me to the exact place I need to be. North Carolina has provided us with a completely fresh start. A place where I can be exactly who I am now without being judged by my past. Its thrilling to start over. I hope to make this year the best yet :)

Christmas in North Carolina

This Christmas was wonderful. I was unable to spend last year with my family so being here with them this year was truly a joy. Seeing them take part in Lindsey's excitement just warmed my heart. I love how much they love her and her them.

We spent most of December in a whirlwind of busyness. My parents returned from Iowa the second week of December and Lindsey's grandma and aunt visited from Ohio that same weekend. We did little decorating until mid December. Although, I think that actually helped remind us of what Christmas is all about.

I participated in a bible study with the women's ministry in my church this past november and it was solely focused on keeping Christ in Christmas. In the busy season of the holidays it is so easy to become stressed out and forget about what truly matters. For me and my family it is all about the birth of Christ. It is about the amazing day God became fully human to live his life as man to save us from our sins. The amount of love that takes is incomprehensible to me. But I am so grateful for it for now I have eternity with him in heaven. To me there is no gift worth that price and it is definitely not found in a store.

We baked cookies, sang carols, and just enjoyed the magic of Christmas together. What could be better?

The weather here has been absolutely beautiful this time of year

She had an early Christmas with her Ohio family. They got her some super fun toys including this minnie mouse big wheel. 

Such a focused little thing.

My mom has made the same sugar cookies every year since I can remember. They are absolutely delicious and totally addicting. She also whips up her own frosting that Lindsey obviously enjoys. 

Soo many cookies! We made plates and took them to our neighbors :)

Cranberry almond biscotti. These little bad boys are so good with a up of coffee in the morning. 

Soda Cracker toffee. So easy to make and even easier to enjoy.

We decorated cookies twice. Once with her family from Ohio and again with my brother and his girlfriend from Arizona. 

We spent Christmas Eve at Church like every year. Its usually my favorite service. So many amazing songs of praise. 

Our traditional Christmas Eve dinner minus tamales this year. Smoked sausage, Assorted crackers & cheese, olive tapenade, brie with pears & apples and petit fours. Of course wine and spiked egg nog are a must. 

She loves this little people nativity from my parents. She names all the people and animals. 

We always open presents on Christmas Eve in my family. This year with Lindsey we let her open her quiet gifts, clothes & books, on christmas eve and saved the noisy stuff for the next morning. 

No Christmas brunch is complete without a mimosa. That Cupcake Prosecco is amaze. 

I hope you all had a very blessed Christmas and New Years. 

XOXO